Among the many consequences of the unprecedented COVID-19 pandemic are excess spare time and loneliness due to the lack of social stimulation. This is a difficult time for many people, all of whom are searching for comfort.
There are a variety ways to find comfort amid this agonizing time; you can learn a craft, catch up on that Netflix series that you abandoned two months ago or start a new exercise routine.
If none of that sounds appealing, then there’s another option. This alternative involves immersing oneself in the dark, starch-laden world of processed foods, the ultimate source of cheap comfort during trying times. After all, nobody face-plants into a bowl of walnuts when feeling gloomy.
Given the current landscape, Hostess’ Twinkies cereal may have arrived on the scene at the perfect time. The idea of America’s most infamous snack cake making an appearance as a cereal should hardly seem surprising. We’ve already been given cereals mimicking chocolate chip cookies, oreos and cinnamon rolls, so formulating a Twinkie cereal was the next logical course of action for the industry.
Everyone’s favorite bright yellow, cream-filled, twin-wrapped sponge cake was invented in 1930 (that’s right, they turned 90 this year!) by James A. Dewar. The name was inspired by an advertisement for “Twinkle Toe Shoes”, and the rest is history.
Now fast forward to December 2019, when Hostess released three cereals based upon some of it’s most famous products. Twinkies, Donettes and Honey Buns all received a crunchy makeover, and the junk food universe was never the same.
So is Twinkies Cereal worth eating? Lets find out.
Flavor
Nobody expects a cake-themed cereal to be healthy, but holy cow this cereal is the epitome of junk food. Take a peek at the ingredient list, and you’ll be faced with a series of foodstuffs that do the body no favors. The first two ingredients are forms of sugar. The fourth is hydrogenated vegetable oil, which contributes 6 grams of cholesterol-raising saturated fat per serving (more than two Twinkies).
Pop open the bag, and you’ll be faced with hundreds of maggot-shaped specks of cereal that resemble the real thing, just without the cream filling. So does Twinkie cereal actually taste like a Twinkie? The answer, miraculously, is yes.
But what exactly does a Twinkie taste like? Sure, they’re sugary, but most can agree that they have their own distinct flavor. After concentrating way too hard on the matter, I concluded that artificial vanilla flavoring is likely the key player. A smattering of other lab-tested ingredients may also be involved. Whatever they are, this cereal has them.
The cereal is alarmingly sweet to the point where eating it for breakfast feels sinful. The combination of sugar and chemical-induced nostalgia is nevertheless an enjoyable one. Even if it’s more suitable as a (very) late-night snack than an early-morning meal. 7.5/10
Texture
Corn-based cereals such as Pops and Cap’n Crunch never appealed to me as a kid. Their texture was the main reason, which I likened to styrofoam.
I was too distracted by the amazingly Twinkie-like flavor to care about the consistency of the cereal. However, I would definitely prefer a wheat or oat-based product.
Also, and this might just be my psyche playing tricks on me, but by the time I finished a bowl of the stuff I felt as if I could feel the sugar having a field day in my mouth.
In spite of all this, I appreciated how the cereal withstands being submerged in milk. Even after twenty minutes of sitting in a bowl of dairy, each granule remained crunchy. 6.5/10
Versatility
When eaten straight up, a cereal with this much sugar is best served as a between-meals hunger pang reliever. It’s also a worthy choice whenever a blood sugar spike is in order.
It stands up very well in milk, but don’t expect the color or flavor to leach out into the liquid. In other words, this is not the best choice for cereal milk fanatics.
I even went all European and tried eating it with plain yogurt. Unfortunately, the yogurt’s sourness is an odd contrast to the cereal’s intense sweetness. I added some strawberry jam to the mix in an attempt to mute the sourness, but that just made the package overwhelmingly sweet.
Throughout my childhood, I only ate cereal dry (strange, I know). Although I’ve since succumbed to the cereal milk crowd, I find this cereal to be most enjoyable when eaten by the handful. 6/10
Overall Enjoyment
As a huge cereal junkie, I admit this is far from the most well-balanced bowl of grains ever made, especially since the main flavor is, well, sugar. It’s also a nutritional catastrophe, and everything about it screams unnecessary.
I desperately wanted to dislike this cereal, but I repeatedly found myself reaching for the box throughout the day. Was this due to the boredom-inducing nature of self-quarantining? Perhaps. Nonetheless, I found this cavity-inducing, chemical-laden cereal to be quite enjoyable.
The flavor is on point, it refuses to degrade in milk and eating it evokes a feeling of nostalgia. What more could you want? Just be sure to eat in moderation. Relief from boredom should not come in the form of a bowl of Twinkies Cereal. 7/10
Total Score: 27/40
References:
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/10/business/dealbook/the-rich-history-of-twinkies.html
https://www.posthostesscereal.com/products/post-hostess-twinkies-cereal/